Matched... and un-matched

It has been a roller coaster summer, to say the least. 

On 4th of July I noticed I had missed email from the day before. It was from our adoption worker we were officially approved. Enter marching band and streamers falling from the sky here. 

it was the following Thursday at 10 o'clock in the morning that I received a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. I admittedly abruptly walked out of the shoot I was half way through doing, but I had a feeling it was what it ultimately was-a match. 

Fast forward a month-past disclosure, and first meeting her... yes her... past visits during the day and over night,and past having her placed with us, becoming her guardians and falling absolutely head over heels for her-to August 5. It was just after noon,we were laughing about something.I looked down when my phone buzzed. social services. I handed baby girl to Peter and picked up the call. It lasted less than a minute, just long enough to tell us that the courts decided they didn't have jurisdiction. Our low risk fost/adopt was a bust. She was leaving in 2 hours.

They came-late-and were here for less than 2 minutes. The social worker apologized to me, and I just shook my head unable to respond. They left without another word. my heart in her hands. She had been sleeping, and at first I thought it was better, but then I worried that she would be confused or scared when she woke up. They had taken 2.5 weeks to transition her to us and in a heartbeat she was gone. She woke up with someone she had spent less than 16 hours with, in her entire life and a ton of people she had never met,  in a place she had never been before. 

Heart broken doesn't begin to cover it.

Please don't misunderstand... I am genuinely happy for them; But I am so terribly scared for them. I confusingly hope that I never hear about her again, because that means they made it, if I do that means she is back in the system, and I don't know that I could take that.

The very next day, I received a phone call from Kathy, our adoption coordinator, apologizing and asking if it was okay to put us in a matching for a set of twin girls. We said yes. 

August 15th we were driving home from San Francisco, and visiting some of my amazing family, when we got a call from Kathy asking about placing a little boy with us immediately just released from the hospital. Unfortunately the similarities to baby girl's case were screaming at us. We very sadly and regretfully said no.

The next week we got another call asking if we were okay with being put in a matching for a little boy only a few months old, after making sure we could be in multiple matching's we said yes.

Finally after hearing nothing for a few days we called and found out that the next day the social workers and adoption coordinators were meeting up to match both the twins, and the little boy- the only problem, our coordinator was out of town. 

We weren't matched with either.

Back to waiting.